we made out on top of his cat.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
