I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
