i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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