i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
