my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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