god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
