he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
