I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize