He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
