we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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