STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
