mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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