SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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