you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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