omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
