So drunk its hurt
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
