90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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