my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
