i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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