see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
