Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
