You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
