And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
