but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
