6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
