if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
