I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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