real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
