I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
