Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
