you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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