She's JV to your varsity
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
