honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
