on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
