you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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