hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
