you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The Olympian is in my bed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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