Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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