I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
