I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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