her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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