Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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