Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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