at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
