I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you had me at cake vodka
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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