Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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