are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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