Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
