Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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