I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize