The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
