oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
