Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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