just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
