watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
