dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
