grandma shit on top of the toilet
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize