I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
