dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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