Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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