Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
