Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize