He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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