I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize