You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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