its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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