I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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